The hard times

Each day bringing myself to come into PGH this week has been hard, I put it down to God that I have survived a whole week to tell the tale! But really, inside that ward, no-one should be subject to it. At least now it is a tad cleaner, I have spent this moring and yesterday morning pedantically going around with a cloth and a spoon (all i could find) to chip off the blood, food, grime, insects... that are on the walls and bed frames. The most descusing though might be the bedside cabinets, I would really like to throw them away but where would the money come for for more? They are rusty and completey falling apart. This is not the place to be recovering from wounds.
I spoke to one patient today who has been in PGH for four months after being electrocuted whilst he was at work. He was first put in another hospital far away from home which he told me was alot cleaner- he said there there were people who came and cleaned each morning- here someone mops the floor but anything else gets gone by the nurses, ie does not get done beacuse there are only three and they have other things to do such as dressing wounds and giving out medication.
These people are so board. There is nothing to do for them, in any case what would anyone want to do in this environment? I did spend some time doing a sudoku with one 15 year old boy, he seemed to enjoy it. But most of the time everyone looks downcast.
The working enviromnet is hard, the complete opposite to NNH where I feel completely at ease and everyone is so friendly. At PGH the nurses have been pretty hostile, probably beacause of their heavy work load and the fact that they are underpaid. The work here could not be described as fun as it can at NNH. Everyone is tired and seems to have accepted the state of things rather than fighting for improvement- something that I find hard. Towards the begining of the week I was working alongside the nurses doing what they did, the first day, they basically ignored me, the second there were student nurses in from the university which was great as they too were shocked by the poor conditions (lack of medication, poor filing...) so I had somepoeple to talk to! But wednesday, now that was tough- as there were only two nurses and me I was asked to help with dressing, I was on my own trying to help a man who had sawn off his fingers to remove yesterdays dressing (hard to do seeing as it has septically stuck onto the gause so he was, without painkillers mind, peeling this discusting rag off his hand. Words do not aptly describe the scene. Then, he asked me to squeeze his finger stub to get the pus (brown goo) to come out and then dab it off, I did not know where to look, I could not look at the wound but equally could not look at the man's face. I felt like i was physically going to be sick. Then he said that some of the skin was dead and had to be removed, the other nurse came and asked me to use a blade (we have no scissors) to cut the skin whilst she held the hand still. I had to ask to leave.
Standing outside in the sun with the stench of the loo I wanted SO BADLY to leave and never come back. should I return? Do I have to return? I did. But went to talk to patents instead. The language barrier is a problem in some cases but I have learnt some basic phrases which show that I mean well and I think that with time and practice I will improve.
So I thank God that he has helped me to last this week.