back safely

so i am now home, sat in the kitchen by the computer gradually adjusting to the western world. but to be honest trying hard not to become too adjusted, as the lessons learnt and the experiences had were not for nothing, not to come back with the same attitudes as before. yes now there is hot water here, available food, clean streets but these are all things that i can continue to be grateful, or at least try to. in the west i am struck that we have so much, i opened my wardrobe for the first time and felt truly like a princess. why, where and how did i aquire or deserve all of these luxuries? my shoes are all arranged neatly in boxes, look almost brand new yet i know some of them have been there for years, the array of clothes neatly hung, no dust. i just sat and looked in awe.
as was preached in church last week material posessions are no bad thing, but its wise i'm thinking to keep grateful and not dependent on them. ive lived for months out of a small bag and had the time of my life (ok not THE time as i hope that there are many more good times to come!) so i'm not gonna stop wearing my clothes or start protests outside NEXT but i am going to try and preserve a grateful, thankful attitude towards things.
so what has changed? here not much, inside a lot. it was very wierd coming off the plane and seeing what has been my home for many years (ok not that many i am not ancient!) in a completely different way. everyone is white, everywhere is clean, the traffic is calm, green grass, no piles of rubbish, smart cars, the smell of roses in our garden, one strange thing that i was drawn to do was collect toilet paper whenever i saw it in public loos- in Kenya its a must to carry around a wadge in your pocket as holes in the ground dont come suppled with loo paper!had to catch myself from doing that!
then in the house, the size of the fridge, fresh coffee, a garden not shamba, SO MANY plates, cups etc where i have been used to one each, NO DUST, computer, SPACE. i kept wanting to take photos. as in the back of my mind i knew that it would not be for long that i saw all of this as odd. and i was right, now i just head for the computer in the morning, put on the kettle, eat from the fridge...
but what has changed? how has kenya changed me? how am i going to keep those positive changes and turn them into habit?

well one obvious change for my mother was that i strolled off the plane in a suit. so i know how to dress! another is that i have started cleaning, my Kenyan friends banged into my head that the daughter should dust clean etc. im not sure how long this will last but at the moment there is comfort in tasks such as that listening to my swahili grooves - so another change is the music that i listen to!
but more importantly i feel that i have grown as a person, developed into more of what i was inside, who i wanted to be yet only was sometimes.
i've seen my passion in life.
learnt to appreciate my upbringing - supportive parents both emotionally, spiritually, educationally financially - compared to some of my friends who's responsibility it was to put food on the table from a very early age.
i've learnt confidence in myself and my capabilities.
i know i CAN do 'it' whatever 'it' is if i set my mind to it.
i've learnt the value of today as well as working for a better tomorrow, as there are times when truly i did not know if there would be one.
i've learnt to live in comune. to love life. to make relationships with even the most unlikely of people and to talk to anyone.
iv learnt to cook more simply, live more simply in fact, to see that yes food is nice but its who you share it with that counts.
iv experienced overwhelming generosity from the poorest of people. iv learnt to dance to lingala to pray out loud.
to listen even when i disagree strongly.
to be appreciated in the workplace, to pull off the seemingly impossible.
to live on the edge. that parents love lasts across the oceans. that life belongs to god.
how welcomed one can be - now it is to me to do the same.
ive learnt about culture, had to change my attitude towards time, learnt to relax, i know how to skin a goat and pluck a duck, to work long hours for no pay.
how to dress knife wounds and how to cope when a friend gets taken into hospital, so support friends and in turn be supported.
that true friends are still there when you get back from it all, even if they find it hard, they still try to understand.
i'll never be the same, don't even want to be. as the experience i've had matches no other that i can speak of.

thank you for being faithful readers, for sharing in my comic escapades, supporting me through the challenges, praying when times got tough and for being there for my family.

now i'm to the task of getting ready for university, adjusting back to 'new' surroundings but at the same time want need to honour my experiences so am planning to write them down so that they can be shared. some things are too great to carry alone.